The Sherlock Holmes Kink Meme Archive
Our depravity knows no bounds
Inanimate Objects
Other Results: 6 Series
 
 
Stories
A Tiny Fill by SlashyKink Rated: Gen [ - ]
Summary:

Fifty Ways to Leave your Lover 
(Muppet Cover of the song if you're unfamiliar with it)

Multiple very short fills (aiming at 50), any pairing, any 'verse.


Categories: Ficlets Characters: Inanimate Objects, Mycroft Holmes
Genre: Drama
Pairing: None
Story Elements: None
Universe: Sherlock (BBC)
Challenges:
Series: 50 Ways To Leave Your Lover
Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes Word count: N/A
[Report This] Published: 25 Apr 2011 Updated: 25 Apr 2011


Bathtime! by Cutebutpsycho Rated: Gen [ - ]
Summary:

I would like......

HOLMES AND WATSON RUBBER DUCKIES

And moriarty is the seamonster bath sponge

AND INSTEAD OF LONDON FOG THEY HAVE BUBBLES

"Come Watson! We must solve the case of the missing soap!" With that, Holmes sailed off into the sea of bubbles.

And Lestrade would be the pumice stone. Useful, but no one really gives a shit about it. But he perseveres. Floating along determinedly behind the ducks. Riding their wake

Art, fic, ficlets, I'm easier than RDJ!Holmes.


Categories: Ficlets Characters: Inanimate Objects, Inspector Lestrade, James Moriarty, John Watson, Sherrinford Holmes
Genre: Crack
Pairing: None
Story Elements: None
Universe: None
Challenges:
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes Word count: N/A
[Report This] Published: 30 Mar 2011 Updated: 30 Mar 2011


Biting The Bullet by quil_linked Rated: Gen [ - ]
Summary: A drawing for an AMAZING set of fills by Unsettledink found here: http://unsettledink.livejournal.com/24434.html
Categories: Art Characters: Inanimate Objects, Sherlock Holmes
Genre: PWP
Pairing: None
Story Elements: Gunkink
Universe: 2009 Movie (RDJ)
Challenges:
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes Word count: N/A
[Report This] Published: 17 Apr 2011 Updated: 17 Apr 2011


Summary:

Anon is under a great deal of stress right now. So, of course, Anon is reading a great deal of porn as a distraction from the unpleasantness of day-to-day-life. Anon came across this doozy of a line describing the painfuly arroused state of a voyer: 

"The chair, which was uncomfortable in the best of time [sic], was now turning into a sort of torture device that gleefully tormented him by refusing to go into a good position. His pants were working with the chair in a sadistic duo that would not offer him any relief." 

So, give me Sentient!Settee and Sentient!Combinations or Sentient!DressingGown colluding and plotting to drive either Watson or Holmes absolutely crazy with need and want while listening to the other masturbating upstaires. 


Categories: Fiction Characters: Inanimate Objects
Genre: PWP
Pairing: None
Story Elements: Masturbation
Universe: Sherlock (BBC)
Challenges:
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes Word count: N/A
[Report This] Published: 01 Aug 2011 Updated: 01 Aug 2011


Holmes fucks a pizza by theprophetrass Rated: PORN [ - ]
Summary: Holmes fucks a pizza. Other food would be ok, but I'd prefer pizza.
Categories: Fiction Characters: Inanimate Objects, Sherlock Holmes
Genre: Crack, PWP
Pairing: None
Story Elements: Objectum Sexuality
Universe: Victorian Era (Non-Specific)
Challenges:
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Completed: No Word count: N/A
[Report This] Published: 17 Feb 2011 Updated: 17 Feb 2011


Summary:

Holmes is rather poo to Lestrade in the Canon. But there is genuine affection between them. What did Holmes do to engender such trust as Lestrade shows in him? Pre-Watson, no BBC series please


Categories: Ficlets Characters: Inanimate Objects, John Watson, Sherlock Holmes
Genre: Crack
Pairing: None
Story Elements: None
Universe: Victorian Era (Non-Specific)
Challenges:
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes Word count: N/A
[Report This] Published: 23 Mar 2011 Updated: 23 Mar 2011


Homecoming by Anon Rated: PORN [ - ]
Summary: Pre-canon Holmes/Stradivarius first time fic, followed by Watson/Holmes/Strad. Let the music-love flow!
Categories: Fiction Characters: Inanimate Objects, John Watson, Sherlock Holmes
Genre: Drama
Pairing: None
Story Elements: UST
Universe: Victorian Era (Non-Specific)
Challenges:
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes Word count: N/A
[Report This] Published: 10 Feb 2011 Updated: 10 Feb 2011


John has a baby Nano by middletone Rated: Gen [ - ]
Summary: John's iPod Nano looks suspiciously familiar.
Categories: Art Characters: Inanimate Objects
Genre: Crack
Pairing: None
Story Elements: None
Universe: Sherlock (BBC)
Challenges:
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes Word count: N/A
[Report This] Published: 08 Feb 2011 Updated: 08 Feb 2011


Mycroft/Umbrella by Anon Rated: Gen [ - ]
Summary: Umbrella knows Mycroft is cheating on her. Why won't he just confess?
Categories: Ficlets Characters: Inanimate Objects, Mycroft Holmes
Genre: Angst, Crack
Pairing: None
Story Elements: None
Universe: Sherlock (BBC)
Challenges:
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes Word count: N/A
[Report This] Published: 24 Oct 2011 Updated: 24 Oct 2011


One last fling by random_nexus Rated: PORN [ - ]
Summary: Have we had this yet? BBC!verse. Sherlock/the skull on the mantle. Skullfucking.
Categories: Fiction Characters: Inanimate Objects, Sherlock Holmes
Genre: Crack, PWP
Pairing: None
Story Elements: Objectum Sexuality
Universe: Sherlock (BBC)
Challenges:
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes Word count: N/A
[Report This] Published: 10 Feb 2011 Updated: 10 Feb 2011


OTP!Outed by random_nexus Rated: Gen [ - ]
Summary: BBC!verse, Jumper/Coat (scarf is jealous)
Categories: Ficlets Characters: Inanimate Objects, John Watson, Sherlock Holmes
Genre: Crack
Pairing: None
Story Elements: None
Universe: Sherlock (BBC)
Challenges:
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes Word count: N/A
[Report This] Published: 06 Feb 2011 Updated: 06 Feb 2011


Rape of the Snow by sickens Rated: PORN [ - ]
Summary: rape of the snow with spaghetti of the holmes without supper to the base in the first instance please
Categories: Ficlets Characters: Inanimate Objects, John Watson, Sherlock Holmes
Genre: Crack
Pairing: None
Story Elements: None
Universe: 2009 Movie (RDJ)
Challenges:
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes Word count: N/A
[Report This] Published: 08 Feb 2011 Updated: 08 Feb 2011


Sleuthing With Sweater by Anon Rated: Teen [ - ]
Summary: BBC John doesn't have a 'tache, but he rocks those sweaters.

Embrace the sweaters! Show me Sweater-love!
Categories: Fiction Characters: Inanimate Objects, John Watson, Sherlock Holmes
Genre: Fluff
Pairing: None
Story Elements: UST
Universe: Sherlock (BBC)
Challenges:
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes Word count: N/A
[Report This] Published: 17 Feb 2011 Updated: 17 Feb 2011


Summary: Tell me the adventures of Hatherley's wandering thumb.
Categories: Fiction Characters: Inanimate Objects
Genre: Crack
Pairing: None
Story Elements: None
Universe: Victorian Era (Non-Specific)
Challenges:
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes Word count: N/A
[Report This] Published: 21 Feb 2011 Updated: 21 Feb 2011


Summary: I WANT THE GIANT SQUID TO MEET 221B BAKER STREET.
Categories: Art Characters: Inanimate Objects
Genre: Crack, PWP
Pairing: None
Story Elements: None
Universe: Victorian Era (Non-Specific)
Challenges:
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes Word count: N/A
[Report This] Published: 17 Feb 2011 Updated: 17 Feb 2011


Summary: Watson shaves off his mustache. Holmes replaces all the curtains with this fabric to retaliate. http://www.spoonflower.com/fabric/174745
Categories: Art Characters: Inanimate Objects
Genre: Crack
Pairing: None
Story Elements: None
Universe: Victorian Era (Non-Specific)
Challenges:
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes Word count: N/A
[Report This] Published: 09 Feb 2011 Updated: 09 Feb 2011


White Blank Page by linguini17 Rated: Teen [ - ]
Summary: Pre-series, Sherlock broke Lestrade's heart. Lestrade got over it ("he's a great man..." quote), but still cares deeply for Sherlock.

Watson figures it out after a bit, and helps bring them together. I would love you forever if you wrote it as snapshots.

Warning: Brief, non-graphic mention of crimes against children
Categories: Fiction Characters: Inanimate Objects, John Watson, Sherlock Holmes
Genre: Drama
Pairing: None
Story Elements: Threesomes
Universe: Sherlock (BBC)
Challenges:
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes Word count: N/A
[Report This] Published: 17 Feb 2011 Updated: 17 Feb 2011