The Sherlock Holmes Kink Meme Archive
Our depravity knows no bounds
Genre: Humour
Other Results: 12 Series
 
 
Stories
Summary: After a fight at the Punchbowl Holmes gets very drunk and Watson has to deal with a beat up, intoxicated Holmes who is very...handsy
Categories: Ficlets Characters: John Watson, Sherlock Holmes
Genre: Humour
Pairing: None
Story Elements: None
Universe: 2009 Movie (RDJ)
Challenges:
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes Word count: N/A
[Report This] Published: 07 Feb 2011 Updated: 07 Feb 2011


Summary:

"Holmes, have you stolen my undergarments again?"
"Uh, we have a barter system."
"But my undergarments?!"
"Yes. And you are welcome to mine."
"I don't want to get inside your undergarments!"
"That's not what you said about my pants, dear Watson." 


Categories: Ficlets Characters: John Watson, Mrs. Hudson, Sherlock Holmes
Genre: Humour
Pairing: None
Story Elements: None
Universe: 2009 Movie (RDJ)
Challenges:
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes Word count: 152
[Report This] Published: 16 Mar 2011 Updated: 16 Mar 2011


Summary:

"I find your lack of pants disturbing."

Just... 

...use that line. 
Holmes/Watson bitte!


Categories: Fiction Characters: John Watson, Sherlock Holmes
Genre: Humour, PWP
Pairing: None
Story Elements: None
Universe: 2009 Movie (RDJ)
Challenges:
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes Word count: 338
[Report This] Published: 13 Mar 2011 Updated: 13 Mar 2011


Summary: "I love you." "Go fuck yourself."
Categories: Ficlets Characters: John Watson, Sherlock Holmes
Genre: Humour
Pairing: None
Story Elements: None
Universe: 2009 Movie (RDJ)
Challenges:
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes Word count: N/A
[Report This] Published: 08 Feb 2011 Updated: 08 Feb 2011


"Well, dear Watson.." by flibbles1989 Rated: PORN [ - ]
Summary: Movie line prompt: "Get that thing out of my face" only with penis.
Categories: Fiction Characters: John Watson, Sherlock Holmes
Genre: Humour
Pairing: None
Story Elements: Fellatio, UST
Universe: 2009 Movie (RDJ)
Challenges:
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes Word count: N/A
[Report This] Published: 08 Feb 2011 Updated: 08 Feb 2011


24 HOURS by mothergoddamn Rated: Gen [ - ]
Summary: 24/Holmes Crossover
Categories: Ficlets Characters: Blackwood, Gladstone, John Watson, Sherlock Holmes
Genre: Crack, Humour
Pairing: None
Story Elements: None
Universe: 2009 Movie (RDJ)
Challenges:
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes Word count: N/A
[Report This] Published: 09 Feb 2011 Updated: 09 Feb 2011


A crown for you by feriowind Rated: Gen [ - ]
Summary: Watson happily putting a flower crown on Holmes' head.
Holmes can be happy or grumpy about it...personally I think grumpy would be cuter!

(Reply to this) (Thread)
Categories: Art Characters: John Watson, Sherlock Holmes
Genre: Humour
Pairing: None
Story Elements: None
Universe: Granada (Brett)
Challenges:
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes Word count: N/A
[Report This] Published: 15 Feb 2011 Updated: 15 Feb 2011


A Delicate Subject by random_nexus Rated: Gen [ - ]
Summary: How can I put this ... um, everyone farts -- even Queen Victoria. It's a slightly embarrassing though sometimes hilarious part of being human. What I want to know is how did it go with Holmes and Watson? Not details, obv, but ... etiquette, sharing rooms, becoming comfortable with each other. Does Watson have guilty army habits? Is Holmes indifferent to his body's activities? Do they chuckle about it? Studiously ignore Holmes's epic trouser-trump? What about train carriages, shared beds, in front of clients? When they're in a relationship? This must seem like the most peurile prompt ever, but it was just the most unglamorous, human, pointlessly trifling domestic detail that I could think of ... and I sort of want to see that stuff XD
Categories: Fiction Characters: John Watson, Sherlock Holmes
Genre: Humour
Pairing: None
Story Elements: None
Universe: Victorian Era (Non-Specific)
Challenges:
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes Word count: N/A
[Report This] Published: 09 Feb 2011 Updated: 09 Feb 2011


A Fan Letter by anonfail Rated: Gen [ - ]
Summary:

Holmes recieves a fan letter and is extremely embarrassed. Watson teases him mercilessly.
Book or Granada!

(prompt: http://shkinkmeme.livejournal.com/8789.html?thread=18529621#t18529621)


Categories: Ficlets Characters: John Watson, Sherlock Holmes
Genre: Fluff, Humour
Pairing: None
Story Elements: None
Universe: Victorian Era (Non-Specific)
Challenges:
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes Word count: 277
[Report This] Published: 02 May 2011 Updated: 02 May 2011


A Fine Mess by ingridmatthews Rated: Gen [ - ]
Summary: I'll give my heart to anyone who will write me a fill about Holmes bonding with puppy Gladstone, even though he doesn't like dogs (or is afraid of them, maybe?)
Categories: Fiction Characters: Gladstone, John Watson, Sherlock Holmes
Genre: Fluff, Humour
Pairing: None
Story Elements: None
Universe: 2009 Movie (RDJ)
Challenges:
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes Word count: N/A
[Report This] Published: 14 Feb 2011 Updated: 14 Feb 2011


Summary: I'd like Holmes to accidentally kill some cute little animal (like a squirrel? idk Maybe Gladstone?) and feel really shitty about it. Like,he gives it a mini-funeral and stuff. Watson comforts him. Any universe!
Categories: Fiction Characters: John Watson, Sherlock Holmes
Genre: Humour
Pairing: None
Story Elements: None
Universe: 2009 Movie (RDJ)
Challenges:
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes Word count: N/A
[Report This] Published: 16 Feb 2011 Updated: 16 Feb 2011


Summary: Holmes/Rimbaud, Verlaine/Watson, Watson/Holmes
Categories: Fiction Characters: John Watson, Sherlock Holmes
Genre: Humour
Pairing: None
Story Elements: None
Universe: Victorian Era (Non-Specific)
Challenges:
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes Word count: N/A
[Report This] Published: 06 Feb 2011 Updated: 06 Feb 2011


Summary: Mary writes Holmes/Watson fanfic. Watson finds it and offers to be her beta.

"Really, darling, one should have copious amounts of lubrication before that act."
Categories: Fiction Characters: John Watson, Mary Watson nee Morstan, Sherlock Holmes
Genre: Humour
Pairing: None
Story Elements: Threesomes
Universe: 2009 Movie (RDJ)
Challenges:
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes Word count: N/A
[Report This] Published: 09 Feb 2011 Updated: 09 Feb 2011


A litter of Two by ninja_firefly Rated: PORN [ - ]
Summary: Holmes ejaculates tiny kittens that he and Watson have to take care of as they grow.
Categories: Fiction Characters: John Watson
Genre: Humour, PWP
Pairing: None
Story Elements: None
Universe: Sherlock (BBC)
Challenges:
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes Word count: N/A
[Report This] Published: 17 Feb 2011 Updated: 17 Feb 2011


Summary: Everybody wants Watson. Observe:

Mrs. Hudson--makes his favorite jam
Mary Morstan--visits entirely too frequently, drops hints about marriage (and doilies)
Mycroft Holmes--invites him over for "discreet visits" to the Diogenes
Lord Blackwood--kidnaps Watson for "secret sex rituals" with him and Coward
Coward--see above
Sebastian Moran--shares exciting stories about India (while cheating at cards, but still...)
James Moriarty--awkwardly attempts to be romantic by buying flowers, chocolate, vaguely threatening stalker-ish love notes, etc.
Gladstone--looking at his leg in that manner
Lestrade (and the rest of Scotland Yard)--looks at in an inappropriate manner, shamelessly flirts when Holmes is (supposedly) out of earshot

Sherlock Holmes is jealous as hell, and totally rejects this BS. He holds a meeting to discuss "the state of the Watson" with everyone present. Namely, Watson is HIS, and everyone else should go find their own dashing, ex-military boyfriends with pretty moustaches.
Categories: Art Characters: Blackwood, Gladstone, Inspector Lestrade, James Moriarty, John Watson, Mrs. Hudson, Sherlock Holmes
Genre: Humour
Pairing: None
Story Elements: None
Universe: 2009 Movie (RDJ)
Challenges:
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes Word count: N/A
[Report This] Published: 07 Feb 2011 Updated: 07 Feb 2011


A One-time thing by koshartu Rated: Teen [ - ]
Summary: Holmes has heard and/or deduced much about Watson's past... escapades.

He has also deduced a thing or two about the dear doctor's attraction to him. However, he comes to the conclusion that this is an undesirable state of affairs and should be gotten over at once so that things can go on as before.

So, Holmes decides to take action with a proposal to Watson:
Watson is welcome to soundly fuck him once and get this whole sexual tension thing out of his system.

But perhaps the great detective has underestimated one or both of their feelings?
Categories: Fiction Characters: John Watson, Sherlock Holmes
Genre: First Times, Humour
Pairing: None
Story Elements: None
Universe: Victorian Era (Non-Specific)
Challenges:
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes Word count: N/A
[Report This] Published: 13 Feb 2011 Updated: 13 Feb 2011


Summary: H/C?? How about H/H!!

Sherlock gets a nasty fucking papercut. And dies. Or is just severely disabled the rest of his life.
(Reply to this) (Thread)
Categories: Ficlets Characters: Sherlock Holmes
Genre: Humour
Pairing: None
Story Elements: None
Universe: Victorian Era (Non-Specific)
Challenges:
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes Word count: N/A
[Report This] Published: 14 Feb 2011 Updated: 14 Feb 2011


A seaside Holiday by paperflower86 Rated: Teen [ - ]
Summary: Any 'verse.

Watson is fed up with London and Holmes can't find a case that will keep him busy for longer than five minutes. So Watson books a holiday at the seaside.

It's a disaster from start to finish, of course -- Holmes can't swim as well as he thinks he can, they get sunburned (if that is possible in England), and Holmes gets himself enmeshed in solving the Case of the Dead Seagull.

Cue Watson being delightfully exasperated. "I JUST WANTED A BLOODY HOLIDAY! IS THAT TOO MUCH TO SODDING WELL ASK?"
Categories: Fiction, Art Characters: John Watson, Sherlock Holmes
Genre: Humour
Pairing: None
Story Elements: None
Universe: 2009 Movie (RDJ)
Challenges:
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes Word count: N/A
[Report This] Published: 18 Feb 2011 Updated: 18 Feb 2011


A sequel of sorts by solara_karrde Rated: Gen [ - ]
Summary: omfg! this is so great! i wish someone do it a sequel! this deserve for sure!!!! =D
*_*
AWESOME
Categories: Ficlets Characters: John Watson, Sherlock Holmes
Genre: Errant Comment, Humour
Pairing: None
Story Elements: None
Universe: Sherlock (BBC)
Challenges:
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes Word count: N/A
[Report This] Published: 10 Feb 2011 Updated: 10 Feb 2011


A Slight Case Of Gibberish by taleya Rated: PORN [ - ]
Summary: Holmes is inventing something electrical when the device malfunctions and shocks him. Watson finds him speaking with the most curious grammatical errors.

"Long Holmes is loooooooooooooong."

Lolcat Holmes.
Categories: Fiction Characters: John Watson, Sherlock Holmes
Genre: Crack, Humour
Pairing: None
Story Elements: None
Universe: 2009 Movie (RDJ)
Challenges:
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes Word count: 2580
[Report This] Published: 05 Feb 2011 Updated: 05 Feb 2011


Summary: Can we have a fic where Holmes, in his infinite emotional retardedness, mentions to Watson that he *knows* Watson is in love with him, in a way that makes Watson think Holmes is ridiculing him. I want hurt!Watson who can't believe Holmes would be so intentionally cruel to him. So things are kinda breezy at 221b for a short while, until Holmes clues in and is all WATSON, YOU IDIOT, I LOVE YOU TOO, JESUS CHRIST.
Categories: Fiction Characters: John Watson, Mrs. Hudson, Sherlock Holmes
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Humour
Pairing: None
Story Elements: Intercrural Sex
Universe: Granada (Brett)
Challenges:
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes Word count: 7354
[Report This] Published: 05 Feb 2011 Updated: 05 Feb 2011


A slight crack by Anon Rated: Gen [ - ]
Summary: I'm interested in a fic where Holmes is high on cocaine. What would his thought processes be like? What would he focus on? Take this where you want as long as there's detail in it, kind of like being in his head. :)
Categories: Fiction Characters: John Watson, Sherlock Holmes
Genre: Humour
Pairing: None
Story Elements: None
Universe: 2009 Movie (RDJ)
Challenges:
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes Word count: N/A
[Report This] Published: 16 Feb 2011 Updated: 16 Feb 2011


A STUDY IN MOTHERFUCKIN' PINK by Anon Rated: Teen [ - ]
Summary: Take A Study in Pink. Shove it through the voice of John Motherfucking Watson's "A Study in Motherfucking Scarlet."
Categories: Fiction Characters: John Watson, Sherlock Holmes
Genre: Crack, Humour
Pairing: None
Story Elements: None
Universe: Sherlock (BBC)
Challenges:
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Completed: No Word count: N/A
[Report This] Published: 21 Feb 2011 Updated: 21 Feb 2011


A Wager Settled by rat_chan Rated: Gen [ - ]
Summary: Not enough misuse has been made of Watson's cane.
Categories: Ficlets Characters: John Watson, Mrs. Hudson, Sherlock Holmes
Genre: Humour
Pairing: None
Story Elements: None
Universe: 2009 Movie (RDJ)
Challenges:
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes Word count: N/A
[Report This] Published: 06 Feb 2011 Updated: 06 Feb 2011


A warning by Cutebutpsycho Rated: Gen [ - ]
Summary: MORMONS.

We all know how ACD feels about them. Turns out, Holmes is rather disinclined to feel charitable towards them as well.
Categories: Ficlets Characters: John Watson, Sherlock Holmes
Genre: Humour
Pairing: None
Story Elements: None
Universe: Victorian Era (Non-Specific)
Challenges:
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes Word count: N/A
[Report This] Published: 06 Feb 2011 Updated: 06 Feb 2011