The Sherlock Holmes Kink Meme Archive
Our depravity knows no bounds
Penname: taleya [Contact]
Real name: Taleya
Status: Administrator
Member Since: 02 Feb 2011
Website: http://homepages.ihug.com.au/~taleya
Beta-reader: No

The author as such does not in fact exist. Mad weasels have taken over and are currently piled into a pair of jeans and a shirt, attempting to pass as human.


Please forgive our typos, the fur gets caught in the keys and paws aren't quite as articulate as your fingers....


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Stories by taleya
A Slight Case Of Gibberish by taleya Rated: PORN [ - ]
Summary: Holmes is inventing something electrical when the device malfunctions and shocks him. Watson finds him speaking with the most curious grammatical errors.

"Long Holmes is loooooooooooooong."

Lolcat Holmes.
Categories: Fiction Characters: John Watson, Sherlock Holmes
Genre: Crack, Humour
Pairing: None
Story Elements: None
Universe: 2009 Movie (RDJ)
Challenges:
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes Word count: 2580
[Report This] Published: 05 Feb 2011 Updated: 05 Feb 2011


Summary: Can we have a fic where Holmes, in his infinite emotional retardedness, mentions to Watson that he *knows* Watson is in love with him, in a way that makes Watson think Holmes is ridiculing him. I want hurt!Watson who can't believe Holmes would be so intentionally cruel to him. So things are kinda breezy at 221b for a short while, until Holmes clues in and is all WATSON, YOU IDIOT, I LOVE YOU TOO, JESUS CHRIST.
Categories: Fiction Characters: John Watson, Mrs. Hudson, Sherlock Holmes
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Humour
Pairing: None
Story Elements: Intercrural Sex
Universe: Granada (Brett)
Challenges:
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes Word count: 7354
[Report This] Published: 05 Feb 2011 Updated: 05 Feb 2011


Alternate Realities by taleya Rated: Teen [ - ]
Summary: "In every other timeline they're together. They're meant to be together."

Show me the angst. Show me the fluff. Show me the crazy half-second fragmented AUs. Show me anything, just go nuts!
Categories: Ficlets Characters: John Watson, Sherlock Holmes
Genre: Angst, AU
Pairing: None
Story Elements: None
Universe: Victorian Era (Non-Specific)
Challenges:
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes Word count: 159
[Report This] Published: 05 Feb 2011 Updated: 05 Feb 2011


BBC Dinosaurs by taleya Rated: Gen [ - ]
Summary: BBC!Universe crosses over with Asylum!Universe
Categories: Ficlets Characters: John Watson, Sherlock Holmes
Genre: Crossover
Pairing: None
Story Elements: None
Universe: Asylum (Mechanical Dinosaurs), Sherlock (BBC)
Challenges:
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes Word count: N/A
[Report This] Published: 06 Feb 2011 Updated: 06 Feb 2011


BBC/09 by taleya Rated: Gen [ - ]
Summary:

The walls of the universe are cracking and all the holmes are jumbled up


Categories: Ficlets Characters: John Watson, Sherlock Holmes
Genre: Drama
Pairing: None
Story Elements: None
Universe: 2009 Movie (RDJ) , Sherlock (BBC)
Challenges:
Series: MEMEBANG!
Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes Word count: N/A
[Report This] Published: 26 Mar 2011 Updated: 26 Mar 2011


Cipher by taleya Rated: Gen [ - ]
Summary: After Sherlock's death, John starts receiving phantom texts.

Sherlock is haunting his phone, and it's the only way he can communicate

No crack please.
Categories: Fiction Characters: John Watson, Sherlock Holmes
Genre: Drama
Pairing: None
Story Elements: None
Universe: Sherlock (BBC)
Challenges:
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Completed: No Word count: N/A
[Report This] Published: 06 Feb 2011 Updated: 06 Feb 2011


Dear John by taleya Rated: PORN [ - ]
Summary:

Holmes writes Watson reams and reams of horrible poetry



Categories: Ficlets Characters: Sherlock Holmes
Genre: Humour
Pairing: None
Story Elements: None
Universe: Sherlock (BBC)
Challenges:
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes Word count: N/A
[Report This] Published: 30 Mar 2011 Updated: 30 Mar 2011


Dear John by taleya Rated: PORN [ - ]
Summary:

Holmes writes Watson reams and reams of horrible poetry



Categories: Ficlets Characters: Sherlock Holmes
Genre: Humour
Pairing: None
Story Elements: None
Universe: Sherlock (BBC)
Challenges:
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes Word count: N/A
[Report This] Published: 30 Mar 2011 Updated: 30 Mar 2011


Deductive Rimming by taleya Rated: PORN [ - ]
Summary: I want to see a fic where Holmes becomes dependent in order to rimming of Watson.
Categories: Ficlets Characters: John Watson, Sherlock Holmes
Genre: Humour, PWP
Pairing: None
Story Elements: Rimming
Universe: Victorian Era (Non-Specific)
Challenges:
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes Word count: N/A
[Report This] Published: 06 Feb 2011 Updated: 06 Feb 2011


Drunk!Watson loosens up by taleya Rated: Teen [ - ]
Summary: Because Watson is so tight-laced that he can't let go at first without some booze up in his system.
Categories: Ficlets Characters: John Watson, Sherlock Holmes
Genre: Fluff
Pairing: None
Story Elements: None
Universe: 2009 Movie (RDJ)
Challenges:
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes Word count: N/A
[Report This] Published: 05 Feb 2011 Updated: 05 Feb 2011


Summary: Can we have some firsts? First time Watson found out about Holmeses cocaine addiction. First time Holmes found out about Watson's gambling. First time Holmes found out how flatulent Gladstone was IDEK, go nuts. All those unpleasant first time surprises you find out after moving in with someone.
Categories: Ficlets Characters: Gladstone, John Watson, Sherlock Holmes
Genre: Fluff
Pairing: None
Story Elements: None
Universe: 2009 Movie (RDJ)
Challenges:
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes Word count: N/A
[Report This] Published: 05 Feb 2011 Updated: 05 Feb 2011


Exhibit A by taleya Rated: PORN [ - ]
Summary:

Holmes writes Watson reams and reams of horrible poetry



Categories: Ficlets Characters: John Watson, Sherlock Holmes
Genre: Humour
Pairing: None
Story Elements: None
Universe: None
Challenges:
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes Word count: N/A
[Report This] Published: 30 Mar 2011 Updated: 30 Mar 2011


Faery Tales by taleya Rated: Teen [ - ]
Summary:

Tell me a fairy tale


Categories: Ficlets Characters: John Watson, Sherlock Holmes
Genre: Fluff
Pairing: None
Story Elements: None
Universe: 2009 Movie (RDJ)
Challenges:
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes Word count: N/A
[Report This] Published: 29 Mar 2011 Updated: 29 Mar 2011


Fleagueing the Jade by taleya Rated: Teen [ - ]
Summary: i love figging, i really do. tis my secretest, most treasured kink, but always so underrepresented... we've had at least one steaming hot figging fill, but this is victorian england damnit and this is a genuine victorian kink! sooooo i propose another - for hotness and hilarity - ACCIDENTAL FIGGING
Categories: Fiction Characters: John Watson, Sherlock Holmes
Genre: Humour
Pairing: None
Story Elements: Figging
Universe: 2009 Movie (RDJ)
Challenges:
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes Word count: 1228
[Report This] Published: 05 Feb 2011 Updated: 05 Feb 2011


Flux by taleya Rated: Gen [ - ]
Summary: After the wedding Holmes keeps intruding on Watson's time with calls for cases, ridiculously exaggerated injuries and overblown illnesses to get his attention. Finally Watson has had enough and physically throws him out next time he shows up. Except Holmes wasn't faking it that time, and he really was sick or injured.

A couple days later Nanny comes around to Watson because she hasn't been able to get into his room or heard from Holmes for the past two days. Watson goes around and kicks in the door to yell at him for upsetting her and finds Holmes is now dangerously ill.
Categories: Fiction Characters: John Watson, Mary Watson nee Morstan, Sherlock Holmes
Genre: Angst, H/C
Pairing: None
Story Elements: None
Universe: 2009 Movie (RDJ)
Challenges:
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes Word count: N/A
[Report This] Published: 05 Feb 2011 Updated: 05 Feb 2011


Fowl Play by taleya Rated: Teen [ - ]
Summary: Watson walks in on Holmes fucking a chicken.

Bonus points if the chicken later pecks off Holmes's penis.
Categories: Ficlets Characters: John Watson, Sherlock Holmes
Genre: Crack, Humour
Pairing: None
Story Elements: Bestiality
Universe: 2009 Movie (RDJ)
Challenges:
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes Word count: N/A
[Report This] Published: 06 Feb 2011 Updated: 06 Feb 2011


Summary: was re-reading the Onion. In particular, the article Why do all these homosexuals keep sucking my cock?

This is sadly, a commonplace occurrence for our dear Doctor Watson.
Categories: Ficlets Characters: John Watson, Sherlock Holmes
Genre: Humour
Pairing: None
Story Elements: Fellatio
Universe: Strand Canon
Challenges:
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes Word count: 678
[Report This] Published: 05 Feb 2011 Updated: 05 Feb 2011


Gentleman's Wager by taleya Rated: PORN [ - ]
Summary: HOLMES. WATSON. "ROCKY ROAD TO DUBLIN". SEX.

I don't care how or why. JUST DO IT, KIND ANONS. PLEASE
Categories: Fiction Characters: John Watson, Sherlock Holmes
Genre: PWP
Pairing: None
Story Elements: None
Universe: 2009 Movie (RDJ)
Challenges:
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes Word count: 1677
[Report This] Published: 05 Feb 2011 Updated: 05 Feb 2011


Holmes of the Dead by taleya Rated: Teen [ - ]
Summary: Night of the Living Dead (original) meets Sherlock Holmes. Zombies in London!
Categories: Fiction Characters: John Watson, Sherlock Holmes
Genre: Angst, Horror
Pairing: None
Story Elements: None
Universe: Victorian Era (Non-Specific)
Challenges:
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes Word count: 1753
[Report This] Published: 05 Feb 2011 Updated: 05 Feb 2011


Holmes, Dr. Seuss style by taleya Rated: PORN [ - ]
Summary: Holmes tries to seduce Watson, a la Green Eggs and Ham style.
Categories: Ficlets Characters: John Watson, Mary Watson nee Morstan, Sherlock Holmes
Genre: Crossover
Pairing: None
Story Elements: Anal Play, Cunnilingus, Threesomes
Universe: 2009 Movie (RDJ)
Challenges:
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes Word count: N/A
[Report This] Published: 05 Feb 2011 Updated: 05 Feb 2011


Summary:

Can we get some Moriarty fic up in here? Maybe him nerding out to some proof or equation while his minions watch? Smut? Whatever gets you going!


Categories: Art Characters: James Moriarty, Sebastian Moran
Genre: Crack
Pairing: None
Story Elements: None
Universe: Victorian Era (Non-Specific)
Challenges:
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes Word count: N/A
[Report This] Published: 16 Mar 2011 Updated: 16 Mar 2011


Insecure!Watson by taleya Rated: Teen [ - ]
Summary: I'd love me some Holmes/Watson where Watson is jealous of Irene. Honestly, beyond that I don't much care, I just really really want Watson fretting that he's not interesting enough
Categories: Ficlets Characters: John Watson
Genre: Angst
Pairing: None
Story Elements: None
Universe: Victorian Era (Non-Specific)
Challenges:
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes Word count: 240
[Report This] Published: 05 Feb 2011 Updated: 05 Feb 2011


Jammy Watson by taleya Rated: Gen [ - ]
Summary: Somehow, movie!Watson gets replaced with New Jammy Watson. Hilarity ensues as Holmes must rely on New Watson and Proper Watson fights to get his role back
Categories: Ficlets Characters: John Watson, Sherlock Holmes
Genre: Crack, Humour
Pairing: None
Story Elements: None
Universe: Victorian Era (Non-Specific)
Challenges:
Series: None
Chapters: 2 Completed: Yes Word count: 452
[Report This] Published: 05 Feb 2011 Updated: 05 Feb 2011


Maison D'amour by taleya Rated: PORN [ - ]
Summary: The reason Holmes has problems interacting socially isn't because he's asexual, but because he's an objectum sexual. As in, he fucks houses. Watson's in love with him so when he finds out, he tries to make it work
Categories: Fiction Characters: John Watson, Sherlock Holmes
Genre: PWP
Pairing: None
Story Elements: Objectum Sexuality
Universe: Granada (Brett)
Challenges:
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes Word count: 1027
[Report This] Published: 05 Feb 2011 Updated: 05 Feb 2011


Malfunction@+++ by taleya Rated: Teen [ - ]
Summary: Have we had any Dark!Robo!Watson from Sherlock Holmes in the 22nd Century yet?
Categories: Ficlets Characters: Dark!Watson
Genre: Dark
Pairing: None
Story Elements: None
Universe: Sherlock Holmes in the 22nd Century
Challenges:
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes Word count: N/A
[Report This] Published: 18 Feb 2011 Updated: 18 Feb 2011